The Wandering Poet

Buffy Brinkley on the Things that Inspire my Life, my Pen, and my Heart.

If Richard Armitage Were A Drug

on October 25, 2015

I imagine what the dosage recommendations and side effect disclaimers would be if Richard Armitage were a drug!

I think he’d be best marketed as a mood-stabilizer and enhancer. The commercial for which would go like this:

WOMAN: “I used to feel down all the time. I’d lost interest in the things that used to make me happy. Spending time with friends just wasn’t the same anymore and work was, well…work! That’s when my doctor prescribed Richard Armitage!

“A daily dose of Richard Armitage lifts my spirits, makes a good mood even better, and helps me find the joy in life again! Spending time with friends has never been more fun! Richard Armitage has even helped me find the strength to get through even the worst day at work! <cue women playing tennis, chatting happily over lunch, and smiling whilst stuck in a tiny office cubicle>….

…..<cue woman walking happily with a group of her girlfriends, who are laughing and smiling and making eye contact with a group of handsome guys who are watching them>

VOICEOVER: “Clinical studies show a dose of Richard Armitage everyday improves the quality of life in most women. A mood-stabilizer and enhancer, Richard Armitage first inspires calm and well-being, then enhances this mood for all-day happiness.”

WOMAN: “So if you’re tired of not getting the joy you want in your life, ask your doctor about Richard Armitage!”

VOICE-OVER: “Richard Armitage may cause increases in heart rate, fainting spells, uncontrollable smiling, and increases in libido in most women. Do not operate a motor vehicle or heavy machinery until you know how Richard Armitage will affect you. For increases in libido lasting more than 4 hours, consult your husband, boyfriend, or other source of relief. Richard Armitage should not be taken prior to attending funerals. Other side effects include RA-addiction, unavoidable craving for additional RA roles, and increased joy. So, ask your doctor if Richard Armitage is right for you.”

<woman starts to happily walk away with her friends, then turns to the camera and smiles> “I’m glad I did!”

FADE OUT

  

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29 responses to “If Richard Armitage Were A Drug

  1. jholland says:

    OMG this is brilliant! I can’t help but think the voice-over portion (which is my favorite… increases in libido lasting more than 4 hours! *snorts*) should in fact be read by RA himself. Spot on, Buffy! ROFLMAO =)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. gpg442014 says:

    HONEY HE SURE IS THE BEST MEDICINE BEEN TAKING FOR 15YRS AND BEST SIDE EFFECTS EVER

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Teuchter says:

    Hilarious and oh so true!! I’ve been “on it” for 10 plus years and have never regretted one single second. This year alone, although he’ll never know it, he has even got me through major abdominal surgery and breast cancer. Listening to him reading audio books during the sleepless nights in hospital and before I go to sleep now that I’m home has helped me in more ways than I can count, bless him! If only all drugs and treatments were THIS beneficial! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Servetus says:

    We had a fellow fan who used to call him “Doparmitage” in honor of the dopamine boost he reliably offered.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. vidalaxs says:

    He is the best thing that ever happened to me. The friendships, happiness and all out joy for life again I owe to him. I will never give this addiction up.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Guylty says:

    LOL. I hope this drug has been thoroughly tested.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. sparkhouse1 says:

    I self-medicated during my separation….very close to over-dosed on nightly Thorin AUJ hits for a couple months!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Irish Witch says:

    I had looked North & South and have never had any better medication to remove the depression or anxiety from my life. In the proper dosage morning, noon or night it can bring a sense of well being into the darkest of times if you leave that little RA of light into your world. I don’t think your can overdose. It would only cause excessive laughter and a sense of enjoyment .

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Reblogged this on crystalchandlyre and commented:
    The drug I’m thinking of.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. How is it I never saw this?! Spot on!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Ann Hammond says:

    I have often thought that very thing! Thanks for the smiles, feels and laugh out louds! Brilliantly done.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. felinefemale says:

    Fabulous Crystal! I’m already an addict and have had ‘contact’ with the drug personally twice! Was euphoric! Husband can confirm highly increased libido.. it scared him, but now he lies back and thinks of England. Inspirational drug. Written my first novel of Guy – over 600 pages! -WHAT NEXT?

    Liked by 1 person

  13. […] Source: If Richard Armitage Were A Drug […]

    Liked by 1 person

  14. […] the overwhelming surge of women everywhere asking their doctors to prescribe Richard Armitage for everyday happiness, persistent sell-outs of the drug and and ever-increasing demand has forced […]

    Liked by 1 person

  15. […] latest news, the over-the-counter form of Richard Armitage, Rickitage, has been banned worldwide by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The FDA cited […]

    Like

  16. Jimmy says:

    I couldn’t refrain from commenting. Perfectly written!

    Liked by 1 person

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