If Richard Armitage Were A Drug

I imagine what the dosage recommendations and side effect disclaimers would be if Richard Armitage were a drug!

I think he’d be best marketed as a mood-stabilizer and enhancer. The commercial for which would go like this:

WOMAN: “I used to feel down all the time. I’d lost interest in the things that used to make me happy. Spending time with friends just wasn’t the same anymore and work was, well…work! That’s when my doctor prescribed Richard Armitage!

“A daily dose of Richard Armitage lifts my spirits, makes a good mood even better, and helps me find the joy in life again! Spending time with friends has never been more fun! Richard Armitage has even helped me find the strength to get through even the worst day at work! <cue women playing tennis, chatting happily over lunch, and smiling whilst stuck in a tiny office cubicle>….

[fade to scene]

…..<cue woman walking happily with a group of her girlfriends, who are laughing and smiling and making eye contact with a group of handsome guys who are watching them>

VOICEOVER: “Clinical studies show a dose of Richard Armitage everyday improves the quality of life in most women. A mood-stabilizer and enhancer, Richard Armitage first inspires calm and well-being, then enhances this mood for all-day happiness.”

WOMAN: “So if you’re tired of not getting the joy you want in your life, ask your doctor about Richard Armitage!”

VOICE-OVER: “Richard Armitage may cause increases in heart rate, fainting spells, uncontrollable smiling, and increases in libido in most women. Do not operate a motor vehicle or heavy machinery until you know how Richard Armitage will affect you. For increases in libido lasting more than 4 hours, consult your husband, boyfriend, or other source of relief. Richard Armitage should not be taken prior to attending funerals. Other side effects include RA-addiction, unavoidable craving for additional RA roles, and increased joy. So, ask your doctor if Richard Armitage is right for you.”

<woman starts to happily walk away with her friends, then turns to the camera and smiles> “I’m glad I did!”

[FADE OUT]

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