The Wandering Poet

Buffy Brinkley on the Things that Inspire my Life, my Pen, and my Heart.

Breaking News: Richard Armitage Drug Available In Over The Counter Form. But, Is It As Good As The Original?

on March 8, 2016

With the overwhelming surge of women everywhere asking their doctors to prescribe Richard Armitage for everyday happiness, persistent sell-outs of the drug and an ever-increasing demand has forced pharmaceutical companies to take measures in creating an over-the-counter version called Rickitage.

While it does not require a doctor’s prescription, a clinical trial of Rickitage produced some interesting results, side-effects, and has women wondering if Rickitage can hold its own against the tall, dark, and handsome original. The following interview with both the scientists behind Rickitage and a few of the women who volunteered to be part of the trial will shed some light on whether or not you may just want to wait for the real thing.

INTERVIEWER: Doctor, as someone who has worked diligently on this project, do you believe Rickitage has the same potency and effect on women that Richard Armitage does?

SCIENTIST: Yes, of course it does. Happiness is a choice, after all. And those who choose happiness, choose Rickitage.

1ST FEMALE VOLUNTEER: Hell no! Rickitage! What is that anyway? I almost walked out. These fools are going to take a great source of happiness like Richard Armitage and reduce him to Rickitage? But, yeah, I took it. It made me only want to smile a little bit. I could totally take this stuff before entering a funeral parlor.  Not near as potent as the real thing.

INTERVIEWER: Doctor, does Rickitage have the same side effects as Richard Armitage?

SCIENTIST: Yes. With a few alternate side-effects.  Nothing to worry about.

INTERVIEWER: Care to elaborate on the new side-effects, doctor?

SCIENTIST: I will consult my attorney before I say any more, but I can tell you that our ads give full disclosure.

2ND FEMALE VOLUNTEER: Rickitage gave me pink-eye! I told my girlfriends not to take that fake stuff! Hello! Does Rickitage sound anything like Richard Armitage? After I took it, my eye started hurting and itching. Next thing I knew, pink-eye is everywhere! I don’t think it’s a coincidence! And, who can be happy with pink-eye?! Increased happiness, my left foot, which by the way, also started itching.  I think it might also cause hives.

INTERVIEWER: Doctor, there are some reports that Rickitage isn’t as potent as Richard Armitage.  Why should women trust your product?

SCIENTIST: Rickitage is just as effective as Richard Armitage. Not quite as tall, not quite as handsome, but nevertheless a mood-enhancer.

3RD FEMALE VOLUNTEER: A mood-enhancer is right! My friend, Sally, had just caught her boyfriend cheating on her.  She was in a terrible mood.  Normally, she’d take Richard Armitage and just chill out, but whoever made Rickitage forgot to add in the mood-stabilizer, because it just enhanced her temper and she nearly killed us all!

After the interviews, we took a look at the ad for Rickitage. Never could we have imagined this:

WOMAN: “I used to feel down all the time. I’d lost interest in the things that used to make me happy. Spending time with friends just wasn’t the same anymore and work was, well…work! That’s when my friend told me about Rickitage!

“Rickitage is an over-the-counter version of Richard Armitage that kind of lifts my spirits, kind of makes me smile, and kind of helps me find the joy in life again! Spending time with friends is a little more fun! Rickitage even helps me keep from falling asleep during boring days at work! <cue women chatting kind of happily over lunch, and kind of smiling whilst stuck in a tiny office cubicle>….

…..<cue woman walking kind of happily with a group of her girlfriends, who are laughing lightly and kind of making eye contact with a group of not-exactly-handsome guys who are kind of creepily watching them>

VOICEOVER: “Clinical studies show a dose of Rickitage everyday may improve the quality of life in most women. Rickitage enhances a woman’s mood.”

WOMAN: “So if you’re kind of tired of not getting the joy you want in your life, ask your pharmacist about Rickitage!”

VOICE-OVER: “Rickitage enhances a woman’s mood at the time of ingestion.  Rickitage may cause sudden outbursts of raw emotion, migraines, loss of libido, temporary loss of motor skills, pink-eye, and decreases in credit rating in most women. Do not operate a motor vehicle or heavy machinery if you are experiencing your menstrual cycle until you know how Rickitage will affect you. For losses in libido lasting for more than 4 months, consult your physician.  Do not just stop taking Rickitage as this may cause sudden loss of all five senses. Rickitage should not be taken during arguments as enhances in anger may cause murderous tendencies. Other side effects include hives, ringworms, increases in homeowner insurance costs, increases in risks of heart attack, lung spasms, kidney failure, and in some rare cases, death. So, ask your pharmacist if Rickitage is right for you.”

<woman starts to kind of happily walk away with her friends, then turns to the camera and gives a half-smile> “I’m kind of glad I did!”

FADE OUT

Yeah….we’re pretty sure we’re waiting for the real thing! 🙂

 

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6 responses to “Breaking News: Richard Armitage Drug Available In Over The Counter Form. But, Is It As Good As The Original?

  1. Teuchter says:

    Absolutely priceless, Buffy!! I laughed until I nearly choked!! *need to stop typing so I can hold my sides!!!*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Carol Megson says:

    Buffy, just saw this for the first time! Awesome, awesome!! And I will just say…generics have never worked well for me either. I’m holding out for the original!!!! And I know I’ll be glad I did!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. […] latest news, the over-the-counter form of Richard Armitage, Rickitage, has been banned worldwide by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The FDA cited several […]

    Like

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