The Wandering Poet

Buffy Brinkley on the Things that Inspire my Life, my Pen, and my Heart.

Over-the-Counter Rickitage Banned by FDA; As Demand for Richard Armitage Grows, Scientists Ask for Patience, Law Firms Chase Ambulances

on October 24, 2016

In latest news, the over-the-counter form of Richard Armitage, Rickitage, has been banned worldwide by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The FDA cited several accounts of mysterious illnesses not yet disclosed by the pharmaceutical company, but linked to the intake of Rickitage by more than 25% of its users. In a study of those affected, the drug had not only afflicted the user with pink eye, hives, and low credit rating, but had also afflicted the users with what could only be described as a weird sort of cancer. The tumorous growths affected the ear, nose, and throat regions and grew in such a way as to contort the human form and make the person appear a jackass.

With Rickitage recalled and banned around the world and a short supply of Richard Armitage, Scientists are back to the drawing board and are working on a procedure to expedite the manufacturing of the tall, dark, and handsome wonder-drug. They are asking for patience and have released the following public service announcement:

“Tired of not getting the joy you want in your life? Manufacturing of the tall, dark, and handsome wonder-drug, Richard Armitage, is under way and will be released by Christmas. Make the most of your holidays! Ask your doctor about Richard Armitage!”

This press release was followed up by a law office looking to do business with the unfortunate users of Rickitage. They released a public service announcement of their own:

“Are you depressed? Do you have pink-eye? Hives? Low credit rating? Do you look like a jackass? Did you take Rickitage? If you or someone you know took the mood enhancement drug, Rickitage, and developed pink eye, hives, low credit rating, jackass inducing cancerous growths, or untimely death, you may be entitled to a monetary judgment. Studies show that consumers who took Rickitage developed at least one unwelcome side effect. So, contact the law offices of Taddah, Abracadabra, and Presto at 1-800-UOweMe1.

Christmas cannot come fast enough!

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One response to “Over-the-Counter Rickitage Banned by FDA; As Demand for Richard Armitage Grows, Scientists Ask for Patience, Law Firms Chase Ambulances

  1. Andrea Númellóte says:

    *roflmao* this certainly made my evening!

    Liked by 1 person

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